Breaking the Rules – Part 1

Posted by on Apr 24, 2020 in Parenting | 13 Comments
Breaking the Rules – Part 1

Social media is tricky. As many of you know, I have a love-hate relationship with it… especially when it comes to the unintended peer pressure. Of course, there are all the beautiful pictures that allow the enemy to whisper that everyone is looking and doing better than you. (Please don’t fall into that trap.) Underneath that more obvious ploy is also the way you feel like a less-than wife, mom, daughter, etc, if you don’t have an equally over-the-top post for every birthday, holiday, and accomplishment for the members of your family. Does anyone know what I’m saying?

For all of the above, I’m always resistant to put too much out there, gushing about my kids… but today, I’m breaking that rule. Some of you are about to lose your mind homeschooling your kids. You need some encouragement. Let this encourage you if you have children in your home and have ever silently wondered if they were going to end up on drugs, arrested, dropped out of school, fired for being a loudmouth, or anything else remotely in that category. If you’re raising angels, this blog is not for you!

During my son’s childhood, we had some rough spots. In first grade, the teachers started asking about ADHD testing and medicine. By third grade, Mark had been labeled the big, loud kid. Not once, but twice, I homeschooled my son… at the school’s request. The school had no idea the hurdles of shame and sense of doubt their decisions would bring.

Throughout the entire journey, we prayed, we disciplined, we counseled, we coached. I also worried. A lot. He was smart but never motivated to truly push himself. I refused to be the helicopter mom who wanted it more than he did. That meant he went through high school in standard classes. Unchallenged by his choice.

Fast forward however many years…

  • This month, Mark was selected as one of 40 male juniors from the entire University of Alabama to be part of Jason’s – one of their most distinguished honor societies.
  • He was nominated as Junior of the Year.
  • He has spent his three years of college pursuing a double major in Finance and Accounting while starting a non-profit, Literacy2Work.
  • His non-profit has enabled him to lead other college students in helping third graders in Tuscaloosa to become proficient readers.
  • He has secured internships with one of the big four corporations in accounting and the top finance institution in the country.

Moms. Keep persevering. You will make it. Back talk and all.

The one piece of advice I’d give is to keep helping your child believe they’re gifted and wired by God. They are not troublemakers. They are not screw-ups. They are growing into who God made them to be. Even if they make mistakes along the way, they join the ranks of every other human being.

Whether they get to all their work this semester or not, they need to know God loves them and – just as important at this stage – that you believe in them. It’ll keep them going even when they can’t believe it for themselves. And one day, you can watch them blossom.

Our kids need to know God loves them… and you believe in them. Click To Tweet


13 Comments

  1. Kelly Howe
    April 24, 2020

    I so needed this today my friend. Thank you for always being so honest and transparent…we so need more of that. Some seasons are hard, some seasons are easy, but most seasons are a mix of both. Thank you for being honest about the hard seasons. It’s much too easy to compare our messy life to someone else’s beautiful highlight reel. I love you my friend…so very much!!

    Reply
  2. Barb
    April 24, 2020

    Karin, I am so proud to hear this exciting news for Mark. I so remember us talking in those early years. God sure has plans for him and it will be exciting to see! Please tell him Congratulations!🎉

    Reply
    • karinconlee
      April 25, 2020

      You were such a huge encouragement to me! God used you more than you know!

      Reply
  3. Leslie Jones
    April 24, 2020

    I so needed to hear this… Thank you

    Reply
  4. Becky
    April 24, 2020

    I can not tell you how God just used you to hug my heart. I have an adopted daughter from Eastern Europe. She struggles with same. She has come so far, but is measured by her peers who have our USA background and those who did not spend the first four years in an institution.

    Then there is our son who hid under the radar until it was too late. He has ADD and has been hiding it. He was called stupid everyday for years by his “friends” and the scars are deep. He will not accept he is “smart” but has to work harder to do what everyone else does. He has lost hope and tried to run away recently he was so broken. He is angry at God and trusts no one.

    We are in the middle of war with enemy from all sides. You give me such hope. I go in his room many nights and pray. I Beg the Holy Spirit to comfort this child to push back The Liar. I created a website today for him to post his fabulous art. The home page has Phillipians 1:6:“ 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion(A) until the day of Christ Jesus.” NIV

    I had to leave social media connections for the same reasons you listed. Bless you for sharing for God’s glory!

    Reply
    • karinconlee
      April 25, 2020

      Can’t tell you how many times I prayed in my son’s room. Your prayers are heard. Press on, my friend. He will give you what you need one day at a time.

      Reply
  5. Janie
    April 25, 2020

    I also raised a child with. ADHD it was clear in pre school that he was wired differently. He was to say the least a handful. I knew in 3 year preschool the teacher didn’t want him in her room. It was sad because luckily he didn’t realize it but I knew just from her comments to me. I distinctly recall a meeting with his third grade teacher and her saying do you realize how smart your son is and how he is going to some day surprise those around him with his many talents. I said are you sure you are talking about my son? I had been consumed with the over activity of him and not focused on who God was forming him to be. My son is now 29 married with 2 children hard working preaching has memorized scripture backwards and forwards plays organ and piano, bought his first home at age 24 now owns his second home. Bought his first car at age 16 with his own money he earned himself. When he purchased his first new truck he put 15,000 down on it and I was shocked at what a fantastic mind he had for finance! He loves God and is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so thankful God brought us through the teen years without killing each other. Stay in the word, trust God with your child, be the best advocate you can be for them. Don’t pigeon hole your child like the system wants you to do. #youknowyourchild #Godmadeyourchild#trustGod

    Reply
    • karinconlee
      April 25, 2020

      Amen! Love this!

      Reply
  6. Cheryl
    April 25, 2020

    Wonderful Karin… inspiring others through “ Mom moments “
    The very day… THE very day you posted this, God had you writing this for ME.. haha.. wellll, truthfully so many moms can attest to struggles w children w ADD /ADHD and claim this was your letter to THEM. Smile💕
    We thought our daughter had difficult years in high school, but our grand daughter has led us down paths that make the earlier ones a breeze. Each time we’re climbing those mountains of arguments & self esteem issues our Lord prevails. Thank you Jesus… thank you, thank you, thhhhaaank you.
    Your day of posting this; we had video conferencing w five teachers who are committed to seeing her pass 11th grade (it was very bleak) but as well, succeed moving forward in life. Praise the lord for compassionate teachers, and praise God for your encouraging & uplifting post to moms and Dads out there. Sending air hugs..

    Reply
  7. Cindy Witt
    April 25, 2020

    Brilliant! Congratulations and good job mom! ❤️🎉🎊🎈

    Reply
  8. Linda
    April 26, 2020

    Congrats to Mark, Chris and you. Some parents want life to be easy, we hv to hold our children by the hands, that’s why we are call parents. No matter what, hang in there. Keep up the awesome work Mark.

    Reply
  9. Kelandria
    April 27, 2020

    Well Karin,
    I saw your blog a couple of days ago and have knew immediately that I needed to read it. I too get distracted and overwhelmed by all the social media. But I’m glad you choose to share. I also have a child whose story mirrors many of the ones above. He was even singled out in Sunday school for his behavior! Yet all the while I’ve always known he is bright, talented, loving and kind. Convincing both the world and him to see that has left me with tear soaked pillows many nights. I too have fallen in the trap of letting my fears for him put additional stress on him to perform at a higher level. It’s something that I’m having to submit to the Lord as more than anything I want him to know our love is not based on what he does but who he is! He is a beloved, uniquely gifted son of the King, created in the image of God as are ALL of our children. We are still in the teenage years, and finding true friends is still a challenge. But this gives me hope. God will not abandon our babies! He is faithful! Thanks for sharing what he’s done! Praising God for this testimony!

    Reply
    • karinconlee
      April 27, 2020

      You are so right- God will not abandon our babies… or us!!!

      Reply

Leave a Reply