When to restart my blog?
Where to start?
I’ve repeatedly asked those two questions and hundreds more over the last 11 months.
To say that 2018 was a tough year for the Conlees and our beloved Highpoint is quite an understatement. We have grieved and we have moved and we have grieved some more. I now write from Atlanta, GA… a place that’s 380 miles from our family and our hometown. I’ve always been committed to transparency and authenticity in both my physical life and my digital life, and I’ll certainly continue with that commitment as I resume blogging. But it seemed appropriate to simply lay our reputation at the foot of the cross and allow some of the pain to subside privately rather than risk releasing any words that could be misinterpreted or too raw with emotion.
My blog certainly won’t center around the events of 2018, but to remain unchanged through such a fire would be unfortunate. “God never wastes a wound” is a statement I’ve heard countless times… and it’s true. As my husband and I were asked to leave Highpoint, my prayer has been that neither bitterness nor wounded-ness would set in, and that the enemy would have no further victories. Instead, I desire for something beautiful to eventually come from this season.
If you’ve ever heard me reference my best friend, she’s a woman I came to respect and love as I observed her grieve the loss of her husband with a beautiful combination of honesty and faith. While my loss is not comparable to hers, it is still a season of tremendous loss and I desperately want to emulate her path as Chris, my children, and I trust our good Father to bring redemption and healing not only to us, but also to anyone who’s been impacted by the strategic arrows that penetrated our church body in 2018.
Recently, Chris and I heard a message on waiting. (How appropriate?!) Waiting has become my middle name. I know I’m not the only person in a season of waiting. In some ways, all of us are waiting. I’d even go so far as to say that if you aren’t waiting on the Lord for something, that’s probably a red flag that you may not be depending upon Him as much as you should.
Waiting is defined several ways in Scripture. At times, it’s defined as involving expectation. It’s getting God’s perspective and then waiting with anticipation. Interestingly, it can also mean “to give birth” or “to twirl in the dance.” Waiting on God is defined a lot of ways, but it’s never defined as inactivity. So today, I challenge you to ask God:
What am I specifically waiting on?
As He brings that to the forefront of your mind, ask Him an even more important question:
What do you want me to do to align myself with Your perspective as I wait?
Waiting stinks. Believe me, I know. Yet we can redeem the dread of waiting if we’re willing to seek God’s face. And when we can’t even muster the energy to seek His face, we can just crawl up in His lap. He knows our longings. He knows the depth of the ache as we wait. But if we bring our ache to Him, it’s possible for that ache to be replaced with anticipation as we trust Him to glorify Himself in the answer.
PS… Need some encouragement? Check out the Bethel/Kristene DiMarco song, Take Courage. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried through this song these last few months, but I always walk away with hope. This is helping us get through our wait and I hope it will help you, too.