Never Neutral

Posted by on Jan 31, 2017 in Marriage | 5 Comments
Never Neutral

Life happens. Day after day. If we aren’t careful, we just get into our ruts and push repeat. If I’m honest, I’m a girl who loves ruts.

  • I’m the one who can eat the same protein bar every day for years. Salted Caramel Think Thins, anyone? If your local Target is out, it’s likely I’ve just been there!
  • I can get on a treadmill and just run. Not very far, but that’s beside the point. I’m just happy to cross “exercise” off my list. I don’t need to have a great view, I simply want to take care of what needs to be done.

Thinking about it, I’d make a fantastic dog. I could eat the same bowl of food every day and be happy someone fed me; and if somebody let me see the same 12 fire hydrants every day, I doubt I’d complain, either. I’m not exactly sure what that says about me; I’m just keepin’ it real!

Here’s the deal though: If you’re a woman who’s married or desires to be married, it’s important to be aware that there are good ruts and bad ruts. The truth is that, as a wife, you’re never neutral. You’re either an asset to your marriage or a detriment.

As a wife, you’re never neutral. You’re either an asset to your marriage or a detriment. Click To Tweet

Ugh. That feels harsh to type, but I’d rather type it and prevent us from accidentally becoming a detriment than pretend it isn’t true. I’d rather you evaluate if you’re in a bad rut as a wife rather than just have you stay there unaware.

So, what are we to do with that?

  • Should we hang our heads?
  • Beat ourselves up?
  • Get angry at the world?
  • Go PC and talk about equality?
  • Push back and say the same is true of husbands? (It is… but we’ll save deflecting for another day.)

What if we allow that thought to stir in us the opportunity to become all that God desires us to be? You see, my marriage isn’t just about helping Chris. I unapologetically love the fact that one of my number one callings is to make Chris Conlee the best Chris Conlee he can be. I married him for better or worse. I have the privilege of praying him to better-ness (that may be a made-up word, but you know what I mean).

But even when it isn’t all cards and roses (uh, 350 days a year), it doesn’t release me from the role God’s called me to fulfill. Sometimes staying out of the “detriment” column is motivated by my love for Chris… but sometimes it’s motivated by my obedience to God.

The funny thing is, the more I pray for and support Chris, the more he champions me. If I were neutral, my neutrality would suck the life out of our marriage.

I don’t love my children based on how kind and considerate they’ve been to me. (Can I get an “Amen”? Our kids wouldn’t have a chance!) So, why should I give or withhold my investment in my marriage based on how well Chris has acted for the day?

Are you being an asset to your marriage? Click To Tweet

Being an asset in your marriage looks different for each relationship. Each husband’s personality, strengths, and weaknesses will impact what it means to be an asset. It isn’t defined by certain roles, jobs, or attributes. I don’t know a woman who wants a lousy marriage. While we can’t control how our husbands respond, our response is our responsibility.

Would you ask yourself, are you being an asset to your marriage? If not, what’s one thing you can do this week to move toward being an asset?

Here are a few ideas to get your own flowing:

  • Withhold a snarky comment…
  • Ask about his day…
  • Write a note or card…
  • Commit to pray for your husband for 10 minutes each day…
  • Slow down to hang out with him in the evening…

Other ideas? I’d love to hear them in the comments!



  1. Shea Hibbard
    January 31, 2017

    You have NO idea how much I needed to see this today!!!!!!!

  2. Rachel Brown
    January 31, 2017

    My husband is all about acts of service – how can I make his life easier and less crazy. While he works full-time and goes to school part-time, I cannot do his homework or anything, but I recently linked my phone to his school email account so that I could take care of any financial aid paperwork, etc. Basically, he feels loved and supported the less he has to focus on so that means pretty much being his personal assistant at times. Even better, I began to realize that God made me to not hate doing most of those things. It doesn’t have to be a burden… It just takes intentionality.

    Now if all of this was based solely on not having dirty dishes in the sink or the dishwasher emptied in a timely fashion, it might be a bit more grim. Haha

    • karinconlee
      January 31, 2017

      Love it! Great ideas!

  3. Holly
    February 1, 2017

    We have a little ritual in the morning where we talk and drink coffee once our son is off to school. It’s only 5-10 minutes but I treasure the time to catch up and talk about “life”.

    We are both words of affirmation people so I can always make a better effort of -telling- him how much I love him and appreciate him!

    • karinconlee
      February 1, 2017

      What a fantastic way to start the day! Thanks for the idea. Chris and I leave at different times in the AM, so we have to carve out time in the evening…but couldn’t agree more… it is one of the best investments we make.


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