Parenting from two different planets

If you could measure how much freedom Chris had in his home as a teenager, I had the equivalent amount of limitations. The parenting styles in each of our homes were as different as chocolate and vanilla.I remember having a conversation with a counselor about a decade ago. As we were casually talking, he said, "Why do you think you and Chris married each other?" My answer was ooey and gooey and something about love. He smiled and said, "I think he was attracted to the stability in you and you were attracted to the emotion and risk-taker in him. You were both looking for what you lacked." Wow. That kind of burst my bubble. It was so unromantic. Yet the more I’ve pondered that thought over the last decade, I think he’s completely right. Yes, it was love. I loved that he had what I needed. He loved that I had what he lacked.While we can appreciate the differences in our own relationship, when it comes to parenting, that gets a little bit more interesting. Chris and I can often come at the same parenting question from two absolutely opposite perspectives. This may come as a surprise to those of you who know us, but I’m the “rule follower” of the couple! I see things through the lens of facts and rules. Chris generally sees things first through the lens of relationship.If you find yourself parenting with someone on a different planet from you, be encouraged! It actually gives an opportunity for your children to benefit from both of your strengths. The key is to appreciate and value your spouse's perspective. Two smart adults will often see things differently. In our case, facts alone will leave a home void of grace. Yet if all decisions were simply decided relationally, our children would be missing valuable training.Last year our daughter came to us with a desire to change schools. From my linear perspective, it was unnecessary. Everything was good where she was. Why change? If I’d been parenting alone, status quo would likely have won out. As we prayed and talked, Chris began to voice the opportunity in front of us from a relational perspective. Annika wasn’t making these comments on a whim. She’s been a good steward of our investment in her education. Forcing her to stay where she felt limited had implications. What would we be communicating to her with either direction?It was a long journey to navigate… but a year later, I can see how God has used this change to grow Annika in more ways than if we’d gone with my safe, logical decision. Yet within that one change, there were dozens of smaller changes that were decided from a more linear process.It’s easy to assume our way of thinking is always right. We all do it. I encourage you to be quick to listen and learn from your spouse’s strengths. Your marriage and your children will both be blessed by your humility and your maturity to honor and sharpen each other.I’d love to hear your successes and struggles as you’ve come across different parenting viewpoints in your own home… twitter | facebook