Up or Down – Part 1

Every woman alive knows that words can hurt. We can’t remember what we did 30 minutes ago, but upon request almost everyone can instantly quote some of the harshest things that have ever been said to us… even if the comment was made decades ago. Not only can we remember and recite it, we can even feel that same sick feeling stir up again just thinking about it.Other people’s words can definitely harm us, but what about our own words? I’m not talking about the harsh words we’ve said to others – I’ll save that topic for another post. But most of us are oblivious to how our everyday, casual conversations can shape us. Our own words impact our own outlook.Have you ever stopped to listen to yourself? I suggest you try it today. I recently sat in a meeting where each person took a turn to update the others on the projects they’d been working on. It was a very upbeat report… until they got to me. What I said wasn’t negative, but it wasn’t positive, either. As soon as I spoke, I thought to myself, “What is wrong with you?” Things really were good, but the way I expressed myself left some doubt. I felt like I accidentally became Debbie Downer.Perhaps you’ve been on the giving or receiving part of a conversation that started like these:

“The vacation was great except…”“It was terrific to see our friends from out of town, but they stayed too long…”“The wedding was beautiful, if only…”

We can even take some of the sweetest things in life and turn them into a trivial complaint session. Nine out of ten aspects of an occasion can be sweet, but we’ll dwell on the one thing that was a little off. What you’d experienced is now colored disproportionally to the negative.The more I’ve started thinking about the topics of our casual conversations, the more aware I am of how negativity is the socially acceptable attitude of conversation. The next time you’re standing with a group of friends, see how long it is before a negative comment takes on a life of its own. Like those little sponges that grow when you get them wet, we breathe life into the things we talk about.In some ways, I get it. You wouldn’t want to stand around and listen to a wife list all the great things her husband does for her. At some point, you would want to gag or cry depending upon your own circumstances. Fake positivity isn’t the answer, either. Putting on a mask and pretending everything is great is both hypocritical and damaging. You make others compare their lives to your fantasy world and you make yourself harder to love since it appears you have no needs.So, how on earth are we to speak in a way that’s honest, but positive? I’ll set out to tackle this important question in my next post. In the meantime, I dare you to notice how your words come across.

• Do your words bring a conversation up or down?
• How do your own words shape how you feel about your own experiences?