#5 Oh Brother... And Sister
Life is short. It is also long and filled with peaks and valleys, twists and turns. Both are true. But at the end of the day, when we clear the clutter and the distractions, what is valuable?
Love.
People.
Being seen.
Being understood.
And outside of our parents, who on planet earth understands what makes you who you are more than your brothers and sisters? Yes, every child is different, and children in the same home can have very different experiences, but even factoring those ingredients in, no one had the same chores, went on the same family vacations, heard what went on within the walls of your home, listened to the same jokes, or experienced the same hardships. No one else argued with you, laughed with you, told on you, or kept your secrets safe.
There comes a day when your parents have passed, and your siblings are the only people on the planet that truly grasp the totality of who you are.
I don't know how much time you invest in your siblings. I don't know how polar opposite you are. I don't know how much a parent may have, intentionally or unintentionally, pitted you against the other. There are no perfect parents and no perfect siblings, but I do know that God created family, both biological and spiritual, and neither should be ignored.
And yet, there is almost nothing in our culture that intentionally helps brothers and sisters strengthen their relationships, especially as they enter adulthood.
I could write 1,000 words on why prioritizing building into your relationships with your siblings won’t work. I can imagine the responses…
Don’t you know the horrible decisions they have made?
Don’t you know how much they hurt me by not being there when I needed them?
Don’t you know the distance that has grown over the years?
They sided with Mom after the divorce.
They made their bed; now they should lie in it.
They think they are better than me.
They have their own family now.
Have you seen their posts on social media?
There is no way we came from the same parents. We could not be more different.
As a matter of fact, we don’t come from the same parents.
I could go on, but what is more important than our reasons we haven’t connected is the opportunity we have now to take a step toward someone God intentionally put in our lives.
I remember when Chris and I did some extensive counseling in 2010. One of the topics Chris discussed was how his relationship with his father was far from what he had hoped for. The wise man he was speaking with said something that has never left us,
“You may never have the storybook relationship that you want, but it can become better than it is.”
God is not the creator of distance. God is the creator of family. God is the one who chose to love us when we were unlovable and undeserving, and then He calls us to imitate Him.
If you are a child of God, you have been forgiven. I encourage you that if there is a wedge between you and a sibling, ask God to give you the grace to forgive and move toward your brother or sister. Would you ask God to help you see past politics, income disparities, stupid choices, or disappointments?
I see an entire blog devoted to forgiveness, but for many of us, the chasm is much smaller. We just do not seem to prioritize our siblings in the pace of life. If that is you, what would it look like to start with a phone call? Maybe lunch? Go big and find a fun place for all the siblings to meet and take a trip together. It actually would be a good investment of dollars.
Whether you feel like you emotionally need that sibling or not, I encourage you to give the gift of investing in someone whom God designed for you to call brother or sister.
And whether your parents are still alive or not, I promise there is no greater gift you could give your parents than to invest in your brothers and sisters.