Been There, Done That: The Teen Years
Just when you think you have a fair handle on this thing called parenting, your kids grow, change, and find new boundaries to test. The teen years bring a whole new variety of circumstances to navigate as a parent. For those with younger children, I encourage you to read on. Hormones come in the middle of the night and before you realize it, you are smack in the middle of puberty. For those with teens now… I am right there with you!Over to Kendall for some wisdom on the teen years…I can remember the day our 14 year old son walked into our bedroom and announced that he no longer needed parents. He was now confident he could handle life on his own. Of course, we were still responsible for the finances and he would still live in our house. He just wanted us to know he no longer needed our guidance or protection.In those moments, you may want to laugh or cry. Here are some things to keep in mind as you navigate the world of teenagers:
1. This is not the time in life to be their friend.That comes later. Until then, there will be times when they don't like you and probably times when you don't like them. It's ok. Teenagers, like toddlers, only like you when they are getting what they want!!!
2. You are the one God has put in charge.Don't relinquish your God-given authority or you will have a very hard time getting it back.
3. Saying no is very hard, but very necessary.Try on the other side of “no” to find a “yes.” If I can't say “yes” to a party he wants to attend, I might suggest having some friends come over to our house. There are so many necessary “no’s” in this season of life. Think of creative ways to avoid “no” by offering an alternative. If he asks, "Can I hang out at Jim's today?” I might respond with, "I thought dad might want to take you to the Memphis game."
Think hard of places they can have some freedom. Boys especially need to have a little freedom to be courageous. My father allowed all of his grandchildren to jump out of the boat while it was still going. The boys loved it and named it “Navy Sealing.”
Girls, on the other hand, want to feel beautiful. Give them some freedom in this area. We don't have to like all of their choices regarding clothes, make-up, and hair. As long as they dress modestly they can choose, even if I think it is hideous.
Having said that...
4. You don't have to give them any more freedom than you are comfortable with.Don't let your teenagers talk you into what they want.
5. Regardless of what your child thinks they know, you do know more!Regardless of whether or not they think they need guidance, they do. If the Lord gives you an opportunity, or presses you to speak something to your child, do it. There have been so many times when we just happened to discuss a “what if” and that “what if” actually happened.
6. Your teenagers really do need you to set the boundaries.They will realize this around the age of 30!
Kendall’s wisdom reminds all of us in this stage that so many of the challenges we face are a normal part of testing boundaries. I hope this helps you have perspective and encourages you to lead your teens well!We will hit specifics in the next two blogs: driving and dating. Yikes and double yikes!!