Enabling or Equipping Our Kids…

Are you enabling your kids or equipping them? Not a question I really wanted to think about. What parent wants to discover they might be enabling their kids? When our son was 10 and our daughter was 9, we changed some of the expectations in our house. Previously, I felt guilty if I did not have a well-balanced breakfast for our kids each morning, a nicely packed lunch with a note, and a freshly laundered uniform for them to wear each day as they headed to school. The concept is appropriate for a 6 or 7 year old, but over the years I never reevaluated my approach. I guess it would have been different if my children lavished gratitude on me each day for my delicious meals and excellent care, but somehow the whole thing just wore me out as they sat by watching me rush around while they were fully capable of contributing.I also felt compelled to check their grades on the computer and all the various assignment calendars to make sure they were thinking ahead and studying appropriately. Without realizing it, I had allowed my kids to be void of any sense of responsibility. After all, “Mom will keep up with everything” was what my actions and nagging communicated.A few truths knocked some sense into me, but as school resumes I can be tempted to fall into my old enabling patterns. So here are two key reminders for you and me:-A child’s maturity is in direct proportion to his level of responsibilityIn generations past, children contributed significantly to their families. They were givers not takers. If our children are takers it may be because we have raised them to take. If we don’t expect them to mature they will not. We continue to increase their privileges, why do we hesitate so much to give them corresponding age appropriate responsibilities?-It is not important what you teach your child, but what you require them to learnWhat a paradigm shift! I am really not accomplishing my ultimate goal as a parent if I continue to do what my children are capable of doing. We must require them to learn things. This will not happen from another lecture, but by doing! My kids don’t particularly enjoy the fact that they have to do their own laundry, but at least I know that Mark can wash, dry, fold, and even iron his clothes when he leaves our house in a few years. My laundry room is messier than I want because I share it with two other people, but my inconvenience is a small price to pay for them learning how to be responsible.Some days it is all I can do not to swoop in and rescue my kids. Every fiber of my being wants to just make life easy on them. Yet, how much more important is it for them to have loving parents who equip them and encourage them rather than nag and enable.