Strong Women, Stronger Marriage (Part 1)

Are you a strong woman? I don’t even know MY answer, but I pose the question to you: Would you describe yourself as a strong woman? Would those closest to you describe you as strong? My husband and I recently enjoyed dinner with some friends. Somewhere in the conversation, the other husband said that he did not like strong women. Internally, I giggled. I wasn’t quite sure if he considered me a strong woman or not. I decided not to inquire.The question is hard for some of us to answer for 2 reasons:• we are horrible self-evaluators;• there are many ways to define strong… some positive and some negative.For a portion of us, being considered a strong woman is a huge compliment. For others, it may be considered a derogatory comment. My first image of a strong woman is the one “who wears the pants in her family.” It is the woman who seldom lets her husband get a word in. She is the one that feels her way is better and usually gets it. Whether overtly or covertly, she makes sure that her opinions are known, as well as the ramifications of not following her plan. No one wants to be THAT woman!Quite honestly, I think this could have been me. Only by God’s grace did I marry someone with a stronger leadership gifting and stronger personality than me. But what are you to do if you do have strong opinions and a strong personality? What if you did not marry someone with a leadership gifting? What if you married a man with a more passive temperament?Today, I leave you with 3 principles to protect us from being THAT woman:1. It is usually more important to be right relationally than to be right.If you are married, you chose to be on your husband’s team. Any time you force your way and think you won… you are actually losing. A loss for your husband is a loss for both of you because you are one. Often the specific point of conflict is quickly forgotten. What lingers is the offense created in the relationship.2. Careful the words you say. Children will listen.One of my favorite songs from Into the Woods has this same lyric… and it is true. Most often women who have a dominating personality in their marriage either had this modeled in their home OR they are reacting to being in a place where they feel like they have no control. In either case, you are impacting the next generation. If you married a more mild-mannered man and your children grow up watching you lead, you are teaching your daughter to find a man she can dominate, and you are teaching your son that a woman should lead his home.3. Leave your work at work.Women have the privilege of working in many great careers. Some women are in high-pressured leadership positions day in and day out. There is an edge and hardness that can develop when you are consistently the one in charge. If you have been giving directives all day, it would be very natural to walk in the house with the same mentality. I encourage you to be very intentional to leave your work mentality at work.Join me again on Tuesday as we explore what the strength that strengthens your marriage can look like!