The Mom Life
Being a mom is one of the most selfless roles a person can be given. If you’re selfish when you start, you quickly see how that selfishness is stripped away. In those early days, you give up sleep, you give up your schedule… and you lend them your body, for crying out loud! I remember when Mark was born, I gave up my one splurge: a really nice haircut and Aveda shampoo. That was my thing and I had to find a new stylist and trade in that great Aveda aroma for some grocery-store suds. The diaper budget certainly absorbed any of the little happy treats Chris and I once enjoyed before children.Of course, you don’t regret what you give up. Those sweet bundles make it all worth it. But please can we be honest? Seventeen years into parenting, I’m still not back to my Aveda shampoo. There are days when I think I must be a pretty selfless person. After all, I’m the one who eats the leftovers for days after I prepare a fresh meal for the pickier crew. I bet you do the same. And how many things do I purchase for my children that make a bottle of Aveda shampoo look cheap? Do you ever have the thought, “If only my family knew the sacrifices I make in life to help their world run smoothly…” Please tell me I’m not alone![bctt tweet="If only my family knew the sacrifices I make to help their world run smoothly…"]As much as I would’ve secretly described myself as selfless, a new phenomenon in our home has recently made me rethink the condition of my heart. At this point, both my children can fit into their respective parents’ clothing. Mark and Chris now wear the same size. Every time Mark asks to wear something of his father’s, Chris is quick to agree. Yet when Annika comes wandering into my room and asks to borrow a top, something other than quick agreement usually rises up in me. My flesh is quietly waging war inside. 80% of the time, I’ll end up letting her borrow it… but not without a lecture or long, contorted hesitation first.I decided to ask Chris his thoughts. When it comes to parenting in particular, where is that line between modeling selflessness and helping your children realize you are your own person and have needs and feelings, too? In our home, I seem to be the only one who struggles with that. Chris’s answer surprised me. He said, “I think you need to take more time for yourself and then you’d be more giving of your things.” That was the nicest way to provide a solution, while also affirming I’m not as selfless as I’d like to think.[bctt tweet="When you say yes to your children, is it a selfless yes or does it come with conditions?"]Hmmm. Truth be told, when our children leave our home, they’ll remember their father was generous. He doesn’t always say yes, but when he does, it’s a selfless yes. When I say yes, it usually has so many instructions and warnings attached to it that the generosity quotient is near invisible. Modeling true selflessness and generosity is much more important than a piece of clothing… or any other object that might be lost or damaged along the way. And if I don’t take time for myself, I’m cheating my family and myself of the best me possible.So, here’s to being OK to be “off duty” a little more often and to make some time for ourselves, while really being intentional to have a heart that freely gives.OK, moms… I’d love to hear your thoughts…
- Do you have this same struggle?
- How can we find a little more off duty time when our children are at different ages?
- How have you had victory in modeling selflessness without resentment?